


Waiting Love

by fluffybunnybadass



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic Character, Aromanticism, F/M, aromantic self insert, fledgling aro, this takes place like at two different points in time, you can be aromantic and still be in a romantic relationship, you can be aromantic and still selfship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29953422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybunnybadass/pseuds/fluffybunnybadass
Summary: How do you know what love feels like? How are you supposed to know when it’s real and when it’s not? Asking around, getting a survey of responses... Is it going to help when you don’t know what your feelings are? Well, that’s what one fledgling arospec is going to have to figure out while navigating what could be a crush, or something else.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Waiting Love

**Author's Note:**

> based off like two lines in [ Mattete Ai no Uta by Aqours](https://href.li/?https://youtu.be/C6byXuhSejs). Title references it too. featuring an internet friend, who doesn’t even go here but has known about this selfship crush since we were new friends.

Two girls were sitting at a table inside the Mahogany Pokemon Center, one animatedly sharing a recent tale that she had gone through, while the other listened, eyes widening as her friend ended her tale.

“.....And then I told him that I liked him!” Her eyes sparkled as though she told just a wonderful story, and her nearby Pikachu mimicked a pose, arms held out wide.

“Pika!” The Pikachu wagged her tail, happily having done her part for the story and expecting praise for her efforts.

“Wait, what!? You told this guy that you liked him!? Where did that even come from, Sarah? I thought you would have at least told me if you had a crush on someone before you confessed....”

“Oh, I decided that after everything was over with. I mean, he's what I'm supposed to like, right? He's a strong trainer, he's kind to Pokemon, and while I'm a little upset that he took that Red Gyarados with him, I feel like he'll make a great trainer for it. It seemed to trust him a bit more than it did me, anyways.”

“Maybe because you get really excited about things.”

“No I don't! Hmph!” The girl named Sarah crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue at her friend. “'Sides, that's not why I was telling you this Vicky! I was telling you this because I finally chose a crush on someone!”

Vicky blinked at her, confused. “Chose? You _chose_ your crush?”

Sarah faltered for a moment, crossed arms lowering as she anticipated that the conversation was about to take a far different turn than she had been planning for. “Yes? Isn't... Isn't that how it's supposed to work?”

Her friend paused, thinking. She honestly didn't know, even if she was the older of the two of them by a year. Neither of them had much experience in the romance department, being that they were barely teenagers, but they definitely felt the pressure of a society that placed that first crush goalpost directly in their age group.

“Shit. I don't think so?”

“Oh.” Sarah felt embarrassed now, but more than that, she felt disheartened. She thought she had finally done something that all the other teenagers were doing, picking a crush on someone and just going with it until it felt right or natural, and then figured things would just fall into place like they were supposed to. She slumped across the table, arms stretched out, fingers waggling slowly as she tried to reach the opposite side. “Well, I _thought_ that's how it's supposed to go. I mean, why else would people have that whole list of things for their 'ideal boyfriend'. And it's the same throughout tv and books and even some video games! So... Aren't I supposed to like someone who meets those traits?”

“I don't know... Maybe? I guess?”

A pause.

“Well, what about you Vicky? How'd you fall for someone? You met someone at the card tournament back in Goldenrod, right?”

“Eh?! Me? Well, I uh..” her friend began blushing, nervous laughter mixed with giddiness as she thought about her crush. Her voice sounded so happy and silly, and it made Sarah smile to see her friend like that. Vicky couldn't help but laugh while she spoke. “I dunno! I guess, I just. Um, felt this spark? I mean, I took a chance on it, and-- It like, makes you feel all alive and giddy inside and-- I'm so sorry, I can't believe I'm acting like those girls you see on TV. I never thought it'd happen to _me_.”

After what Vicky had been through, Sarah was excited for her. She also felt jealous, that her best friend had gotten a crush, and felt like the last person she knew of who didn't have one. A crush, a boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship... How was she supposed to get one, if she didn't just... start trying? Which circled back to the conversation she was having with her friend.

Sarah smirked, enjoying her friend's blushing escapade, and were it not for her own pressing concerns, she would have pounced on the chance to tease her friend more than she was about to.

“It's 'cuz you're pretty; he even told you so! So you don't get to call yourself ugly to me anymore. Ha-ha!”

“Pfft, I am so not--”

“Nope, too bad, no takebacksies! You've got a crush and he asked you out and that's that!”

Vicky rolled her eyes at her friend and playfully shoved her. Sarah shoved back, and the two girls played back and forth, a mix of laughter and short screams as they nearly fell over. Vicky was the first to fall over, and Sarah tried to pull her up, but the small 'thonk' meant it was too late. Her friend's Umbreon looked up from his nap nearby, watching his trainer with curiosity, before closing an eye and laying back down.

“Okay, okay, I think we need to stop before they kick us out,” Vicky said, rubbing the back of her head while still laughing.

“Oops, my bad. Sorry 'bout that. You're probably right.” Sarah let out a frustrated sigh and slumped across the table again. “Uggghhhh... What should I do now? I already told him that I liked him.”

“Uhhh... You could always try telling him you're sorry and that it was a mistake?”

“Pffft. Yeah right. If I did that, I'd look _sooo_ stupid. 'Oh sorry, I just thought you'd make a good crush 'cuz that's what tv said I should look for. Sorry again!'” Sarah rolled her eyes at her friend.

Vicky stared at her friend, unsure of how much her friend actually meant that. She really did mean it when she said to apologize for the mistake. “Yes?”

“Not doing it.”

The older girl shrugged. “I dunno what to tell you then. What did he say when you told him that?”

At this, Sarah looked away, her face flushing as she recalled it. “He, uh, looked at me weird and said no.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. So uh, there's that too.”

“Then just don't like him? You don't have to like the first guy that you choose.”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT, I JUST MADE THAT DECLARATION!?!?!?!?” Sarah shouted, before realizing how loud it had come out. She groaned and put her head to the table, hitting her forehead against it with little force. “Ugh... I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid....”

Unsure of what to do, Vicky looked at Sarah's Pikachu, who shrugged at her trainer's friend. Vicky then turned to her Umbreon, who cocked an eye open, let out a huff and closed it, signaling that he wasn't interested in helping her either. Vicky reached out to her friend and put a hand on Sarah's forehead, stopping the motion. Sarah looked at her, her tearing up a little from the entire situation.

“Okay, okay, well, stop doing that first of all. You're not stupid. Um. Shit, I don't know man. It's not the end of the world, right?”

Sarah sniffed, then nodded. “It's'not.”

“Okay, then, uh. Well, it's not like you have to see him everyday, right?”

“Um... He's kind of... in the Elite Four. So I'll have to see him at some point in time again.”

“Fuck, I forgot. Okay well you don't have to see him for awhile, right?”

“Y-yeah...”

“Okay, then don't worry about it! You have aaaallllllll that time to figure it out. We've got like, what, two more badges? That's _plenty_ of time for the both of you to forget about it, and--”

“But--”

“No, shush. No more.”

Sarah puffed up her cheeks and frowned.

“No Jigglypuff cheeks either!” Vicky poked both of her friend's cheeks, and Sarah let out the air from her cheeks, still pouting at her friend.

“I'll show you Jigglypuff cheeks one day...” she grumbled. “Least I'm not doing Qwilfish cheeks!”

“I don't know how you'd do Qwilfish cheeks. Maybe if we superglued some pins to our cheeks....”

“I think superglue is bad for your skin...?”

“Okay, regular glue then!”

“Is it even gonna stay?”

“I dunno. Wanna try it and find out?”

“No! Neither one of us is gonna make Qwilfish cheeks! ….Hey, wanna battle later on?”

“Sure! You're going down!”

“Na-uh, you're _sooo_ going down, you're going down so far you're gonna need a Pokemon that knows Dig to help you out!”

“Wow, that's really... Something...?”

* * *

“Hey Cynthia?” Sarah called out. They were a few years older now, more of a teenager than a preteen. They sat on the ground, between the coffee table and couch in Cynthia's grandmother's library. Her eyes were supposed to be looking at the book in front of her, but they couldn't focus on the words and images before her. She waited until she heard the Sinnoh Champion respond before she continued.

“Find something?”

“Um, no. Not really. I was just.. um... thinking about the other day....” she stopped, staring down at the book on the table, face flushing as she remembered what had happened. It wasn't just everything from that day, but specifically the part where Cynthia had set up the opportunity for her to have a date with her crush. “Is it... Um. Is it really okay to have done that.....?”

Sarah could hear the shuffling of books and papers. Cynthia walked over, looking down at the younger trainer, who glanced up once, face red as a Cheri Berry, before glancing back down. The girl fidgeted with the corner of the page she had been looking at, flipping the dog-earred corner back and forth. Cynthia took a deep breath and prepared herself for the conversation.

“Perhaps... not. I don't mean that it's a bad thing that the two of you would be sharing time together!” she added hastily. “But perhaps I shouldn't have meddled in your affairs again without asking if you were okay with that arrangement. That said, I didn't want it to seem like it was planned between the two of us... He's pretty smart, after all....”

Sarah sat up straighter and squirmed, trying to wait to speak before waving their arms animatedly when they spoke. “Uh-- um, no, it's not that!!! I'm... kinda okay that you did that. I might have given it away if we had planned it anyways,” she said, mumbling. She looked back up at the older trainer, brown eyes seeking validation. “But, I mean... We-- I... I don't know how he feels. And I... I don't want a repeat of what happened a few years ago-- or even to make it feel like it's uh... a... uh.....” she stuttered, stumbling over the word that she felt like she had no right saying.

“A date?”

“Y-YEAH! T-THAT!” She pointed at Cynthia, before withdrawing her hand once more and placing it in her lap. “'C-cuz, it's totally not. I mean, if _he_ wanted it to be, then sure, of course, but it doesn't seem likely and we've not really talked about what happened since and I'm definitely not his type anyways and I probably don't deserve to be near him because it's probably not a real crush anyways and I'm probably all just faking it anyways and--”

Cynthia held out a hand as she stopped Sarah, interrupting her.

“Wait, wait, I need you to back up a little bit. What do you mean, by 'it's not a real crush'?”

“O-oh. U-ummm....” Sarah looked away, feeling shameful. “I, uh... I guess I haven't told this to too many people, especially not since I told my best friend about it, but, um. I... kind of.. made myself have the crush?” She sounded nervous. “I-If th-that m-makes s-s...sen....se...?”

The Sinnoh Champion didn't say anything for a bit. The conversation had taken a surprise turn, and one that she wasn't expecting. She took a seat on the chair nearest her and crossed her legs. One hand rested against her knee, a finger tapping, while the other hand propped up her head as she thought about and processed what the teen meant.

Afraid that she had made Cynthia mad when the champion didn't respond, Sarah glanced over. When she heard movement, she flinched for a moment, before looking at the older blonde again.

“U-um... Cynthia? ….You aren't mad at me, are you?”

That brought the Champion out of her thoughts, and she hastily responded, apologetic for her silence.

“No, no, of course not! It's just... I'm not sure I've heard anyone say that before. And watching you the last few days around him... It's kind of hard to believe that you would say that about your feelings. I'm really not sure how to respond to that.”

Sarah let out a nervous chuckle. “Haha, yeah... That's what Vicky said when I told her that I _decided_ to like him. I mean, _maybe_ I feel... something? But I don't know anymore if it's real or if it's something I made myself feel, based off all those books and movies and tv and things. Like, you hear about it enough, that you think, maybe you can make yourself feel it if you tried?”

Cynthia listened attentively, but at the query, she shook her head. “I don't think I understand, but please go on. I'm listening.”

“O-oh. Um.” Sarah paused, trying to formulate her thoughts. She felt like a fake, sharing these truths, but it was what it was. Her Pikachu had curled up on the ground next to her, and the teen picked her up, placing the Pikachu in her lap and petting her.

“It's like... There are, um.. a list of things I feel like I'm expected to like about someone? And so, I just expected that I would like someone like that, who met those traits. He seemed to match those things, so I assumed I should like him. Because I don't know what I'm looking for in a relationship, and I've never liked anyone of my own accord, because my _feelings_ told me to or something. I just assumed that I'd like someone, and then you get in a relationship, and that was that. I never understood why people could choose to be in bad relationships, because when I wasn't getting any crushes on people, I just assumed you wanted to like someone. You made yourself like someone. That it was all fake or something.”

Her heart beat faster; she was terrified of sharing these things to someone other than her best friend. Vicky did her best to support Sarah as she carried on the charade of liking someone. And when it started to feel like it could be real enough, she had teased her friend even more. The mention of her crush's name certainly had produced a reaction from Sarah.

But saying, admitting, to someone else that love seemed fake? Especially romantic love? It felt blasphemous, and that Cynthia would reject her for it. But Cynthia had been such a kind and careful guide the past week, listening to other frustrations, helping her with such worse things, that this should have felt like nothing, right? But it terrified Sarah all the same to admit these things to someone she hadn't known for a long while; someone she didn't know if they'd accept her, flaws and all.

“A-anyways, I think I'm getting off track. It's just... I don't really know anymore if it's fake or not. Or real or not. I don't know.”

Cynthia listened to her patiently, thinking while the girl shared her experiences. It reminded her of something, a word that someone had shared with her once. Aromantic. But sometimes knowledge of that had made people feel worse, and Cynthia wasn't sure if Sarah could handle hearing that right now. It seemed like it would only add another complication to the teen's troubles. No, she'll save for later, if the girl decided that her feelings had been untrue the entire time. But from what Cynthia had seen the past week, she doubted it could have been the right term. That stammer when addressed by her crush, the blush when his name would come up, even that issue with her Riolu having the same name as him--

A thought occurred to her.

“Okay, Sarah. That's a lot that's been on your mind; and I'm honored that you felt like you could share that with me. If you want my opinion, I don't think your feelings are _un_ true _._ Not after everything that I've seen the past week. But it's also not my place to tell you what those feelings are. That's for you to figure out. And, maybe, _Lance_ could help you figure it out,” she added, a mischievous smile on her face as she watched the girl's reaction. As expected, the younger trainer bolted up, sitting straight and face flushed, nerves plain for anyone to see.

“I-I-I-I-I... I'M NOT--- N-NO..... NOT W-WITH H-H-HIM!!!!!!”

Cynthia laughed, a hand covering her smile at the reaction.

“Silly girl, I didn't mean _him_. I meant your Riolu, remember?”

At that, Sarah relaxed. Her back slumped again and her face returned to its normal color.

“O-oh. I-I knew that!!!”

“Did you now?”

“Y-YES.”

Cynthia laughed again, and Sarah frowned, feeling flustered still at the prank.

“Sarah, do you really think that, after all this time, that your feelings for Lance aren't even the tiniest bit real?” At the mention of his name, Sarah looked alert again, on edge, even though she expected nothing from it this time. Cynthia giggled. “Look at how you react to his name!”

“H-hey! I'm...” She paused, unsure of how to explain it. “I could have just... adopted that! I could have done it so much that it's automatic, 'cuz I was making myself do it. Like, um, that Pavlov thing. With the dinner bells and the Growlithes.”

“I don't think that's quite how it works.”

“Like you'd know, you've probably not had to fake having a crush before.”

Cynthia smiled at her, and continued. “So, tell me, what does it feel like when you go on edge like that?”

“Um...?” Sarah stopped to think about it. Sure, it put her on edge, and alert, and scared, but she kind of felt... “Like, I got hit by a Thunderbolt. But not in a painful way, in a good way? It tickles a little. But it's a good feeling. I don't know if I'm actually happy, but I used to make myself so over-enthusiastic about him that it just... happens nowadays without any effort. Is that normal? Or am I just making that up?”

“That depends on what you think it is.”

Sarah frowned at that, before she remembered something her Riolu had said. “Oh, Lance-- my Riolu, I mean-- had said that it seemed some kind of bright energy. Like sunlight, but also not like sunlight. But it makes me feel happy, to him. And warm. He said that he likes it when I feel that way, even if it is confusing to him why it's calmer when I'm thinking about him instead of when I'm talking to him, and then he says there's a lot of chaotic and conflicting emotions around it. Which is why _he_ gets confused.” She made a face, remembering what her Riolu said. He had also mentioned something about them looking like they had been struck by a Thunderbolt. “But I don't get the fluttery feeling in my stomach, or what I think people call the fluttery feeling. I get nervous, sure, but it's not because of, I dunno, nerves. It's because I don't want him to think worse of me than what I've already shown him.” She frowned.

“Too bad Riolu's still a baby. Otherwise, I could just ask him what he thinks it is.”

Cynthia laughed at that comment.

“Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way with Riolu and Lucario. But they're still surprisingly helpful at figuring out your own emotions, even when they can't recognize them.”

“Ugh... Well, fine. What's it like to you?”

“Hmm... That's a great question.” Cynthia tapped a finger against her chin, kicking her foot back and forth as she thought. “What does love feel like to me.... I think it feels like when you're really passionate about something, or someone. You just want to be around it a lot, and being around what you love makes you really happy. It makes you brim with energy, and you're really excited--”

“I wasn't asking about _things_ you love, but being _in_ love. With people.”

“Why does there have to be a difference?”

“I--” Sarah paused. She didn't know why. “ 'Cuz there just is!”

Cynthia shook her head, a soft chuckle under her breath. “I think it's that feeling that you get, that you can't imagine a life without them. But that might not be something you should worry about just yet, at your age.”

Sarah frowned. “I'm not _that_ much younger than you.”

“No, I suppose you're not,” Cynthia said, giggling. “But you really shouldn't worry too much about it. It means different things to everyone. I think you're on the right path to figuring that out for yourself.”

The younger trainer let out a long sigh and stretched out across the table. She let the frown fall, a concerned expression replacing it. She turned away from Cynthia, and sighed again.

“Would it really be okay to go out with someone like this...?”


End file.
